I am grappling with how to let go, to become nothing, to become free as St. Francis was free. I am coming to understand more and more, and yearning for, that Privilege of Poverty which St. Clare held as necessary for her community to thrive. She held it as being critically necessary even when popes did not, and only did not, but actively discouraged her from that belief. She held it as necessary because poverty is a means for being free. It is Clare following in the footprints of Francis following in the footprints of Jesus -- and Magdalen with a sparsely furnished cell, spaciously appointed for contemplation.
I wrote these words above two days ago. I am at King's House in Bellevue, WA, for an Association of Contemplative Sisters bi-annual assembly. This morning at 7:00 AM Mass, Cynthia Bourgeault read the gospel (Luke 9:3-5) then asked us to meditate on this question: "What is the relationship between radical non-possiveness and the radical freedom to speak the gospel?" Synchonicity.
Unencumbrance is a luxury for me. Moments of freedom are a luxury, and I tend to find them in the early morning when the neighborhood is quieted -- the activity in the vicinity is mostly asleep. Following in the Naqshbadi sufi tradition, just before dawn is the best time for my meditation. I find freedom, unencumbered silence, then. It isn't silence that takes energy to enforce. I don't have to spend the energy to turn off the cell phone at 3:00 AM because no one tends to call. I don't have to close the window to shut out the television from the apartment next door because they are asleep. The vehicle traffic has stilled -- the bus has stopped running for the night. Minds are quieted. It is luxurious silence in which to bask, a silence which didn't need to be constructed, a natural pause between breaths in which to rest. It is freedom. It is an experience of poverty, or inner freedom, which the Privilege of Poverty allowed Francis and Clare and Magdalen to carry with them all of the time. It is moments of non-attachment when few try to re-attach themselves, to regain my attention for other than silence.
Radical poverty was controversial in St. Francis' own lifetime. But, I can see the merit of it -- fewer things means there is less to demand or necessitate one's regard, less to take one's energy to see to its maintenance -- which leaves more time and energy for other activities of one's choosing, like praying. The answer to Cynthia's question is obvious for Franciscans.
I need to get rid of more stuff -- and that's just the external, material stuff.
